Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I wanna passion pit in your ass
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
you never un-have a 4some
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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