I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
