do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
