HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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