You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
