he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I had to cum in my sink.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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