come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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