her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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