Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
