man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
