Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
