i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
