Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
