Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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