in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
