so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
