I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
