you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
