hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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