i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
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I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
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I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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