Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
