i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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