he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
