she was so not down for the gang bang
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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