if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
