Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
