I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
