you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize