College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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