Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
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