I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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