so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
