***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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