I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
