there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
