He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
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i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't deserve a penis
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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