whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Dignity is for republicans.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
