when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
