if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
