Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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