9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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