Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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