somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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