don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
