guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
