it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
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Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
How does it feel to date your dad?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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