is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
This is the high leading the old right now
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
