im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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