Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I am naked and annoyed.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
