I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
