Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
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