high people should be assigned attendants
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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