What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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