mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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