I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
