Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
