i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
