I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
