whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
