Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
