I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize