Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
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