dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
