i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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