sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
