when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
