All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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