party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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